My current office job is the fourth of its kind in my life. The similar issue with those jobs, and now this one, has me questioning whether it’s me. The quest to discover if all bosses are bad has me stagnant. In this horrible economy, where finding a new job is nearly impossible, not to mention holding onto a new job when you are the last one in with companies closing/laying off at an alarming rate, are all only part of what is keeping me stuck. The biggest influence comes from my belief that even if I got another job, whose doors stayed wide open for years to come, I’d hate that boss and in turn that job too. So this circles me back to the same wonder: is it me?
It is reasonable to assume that each person (rich or boss, beautiful or ugly, charismatic or creepy) has to endure his or her own personal hell before reaching peace. And I’m starting to have the sneaking suspicion that mine is my job.
The thing is, I don’t want to find peace in any nine-to-five office job. This is what my whole problem comes down to. I need to find a way to convince myself that finding peace in it isn’t surrendering to it forever. If I could give myself over to it maybe that is the only way through it. This new way of thinking is easier when I force myself into self-examination, but it is not able to hold its place in my day-to-day thoughts.
I hope by putting myself out there, with the world my witness, I’ll be able to let go and move on to the place and people waiting for me.